


Life Support

by MalecCrazedAuthor



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Communication, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e10 By The Light Of Dawn, references to suicidal tendencies/ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 15:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10282352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalecCrazedAuthor/pseuds/MalecCrazedAuthor
Summary: Such simple words. They changed everything.And they changed absolutely nothing.This wasn’t a development that had happened in the past few minutes or even in the panic-stricken hours before dawn in which he’d been searching for Magnus. This had been happening for weeks, in small steps. It had been happening in fiercely competitive grins across the pool table at the Hunter’s Moon, and in the unaccustomed feel of Magnus’s hand taking his to pulling him down the streets of Prague. It had been happening in companionable hours of gentle kisses and conversation on Magnus’s balcony and in impassioned gasps and the slide of sweat-slick skin against his own between Magnus’s sheets.There was only one thing to be done.Kissing Magnus felt like the jolt of electricity necessary to restart Alec’s heart, and clutching him close again was life support to keep it beating.Aldertree’s words about the impossibility of shadowhunters and downworlders being together echoed in his brain, haunting him as he breathed in the scent of Magnus. But even if Alec wanted to heed them, he couldn’t. He was too far gone. There was nothing to do but ride the fall out and wait to hit the ground.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is unbetaed, sorry. I drifted away from my beta crew when I stopped writing fanfic a few years ago and haven't found a new crew for my new fandoms.
> 
> Episode takes place starting with the Malec scene in s2ep10 and continues past the episode. These characters have Issues. I dealt with them.

“ _Magnus. It’s Alec. Call me back now._ ”

The first call went to voicemail.

“ _Magnus. I need you to call me. Please._ ”

So did the second.

“ _Oh, God, Magnus. Please be okay. Just call me. Just--I need to know you’re okay. Please tell me you weren’t here_.”

And the third.

After that, Alec didn’t trust his voice to work and started texting instead.

**Where r u?**

**R u ok?**

**Magnus pls?**

His thumbs rapidly tapped out a series of increasingly incoherent pleas as the elevator climbed from the second floor to the third and when the doors slid open, he heard the chime of Magnus’s ringtone for him sound in the body-strewn hallway before him.

“Oh, God.”

He checked each corpse because he _had_ to. At least the process of finding out one way or the other let him feel like there was something he could actually _do_.

An unreal silence shrouded the grisly scene running down the corridor. The Institute was never this still, like the historic cathedral itself had sucked in a horrified breath at the calamity that had befallen its denizens and was waiting to exhale.

Finally, half-hidden underneath one hunched-over body with dark hair and a dark jacket, Alec spied the familiar case of Magnus’s phone and felt his world end. He stood there staring at the phone, unable to bring himself to bend down and turn the corpse over for confirmation.

_This isn’t happening. Not now. Not this soon._

Magnus was supposed to outlive him. By centuries.

Gradually, other details began to filter in. The cut and fabric of the jacket were far from fashionable. The shoes were scuffed and ugly. The fingers, twisted into a rigid claw in the moment before death, wore no rings. The nails were unpainted. The hair was too long, not shaved close to the nape of a neck he loved to kiss.

Oxygen flooded Alec’s lungs for the first time in what felt like hours and he rolled the corpse, revealing the circle rune on its neck.

Not Magnus.

_Not Magnus._

Alec knelt beside the body with his eyes closed and his head bowed for a long moment, trying to remember how to breathe. There were still dozens of bodies to check. Magnus has been here, the phone made that much clear. Just because this body wasn’t his didn’t mean his wasn’t here.

Alec pocketed the phone and pushed on, bile rising in the back of his throat every time he had to turn over a corpse that bore some resemblance to the one he sought.

Shadowhunters. They were all shadowhunters. Some with Circle runes, some without. Some had been stabbed with seraph blades, others appeared to have asphyxiated.

None of them were downworlders.

By the time he’d checked every room and hallway, sunlight was beginning to filter through the stained glass windows and Alec’s panic was dancing a merry jig on his psyche, accompanied by helplessness and an odd inability to allow himself to hope for the best that he knew was coming from another source.

_I don’t deserve for this to end well._

He pushed the thought aside, because it wasn’t entirely his, or even _mostly_ his. That was another issue, one he’d have to deal with later. Yes, for a split second after realizing the Soul Sword had been activated, he’d wondered if Clary had finally evened the score for her mother’s death, but even before Jace corrected his assumption, Alec had dismissed the idea because he _believed_ Clary when she said she didn’t blame him.

On his way back downstairs, Alec re-checked the major clusters of bodies to see if he’d missed anyone. By now, shadowhunters who had been out on the streets dealing with Valentine’s altered downworlders were filtering back in and beginning to collect the fallen. There would be another Rite of Mourning held in a few days, and Alec would probably have to organize that because he’d overheard someone say that Aldertree would be escorting Valentine back to Idris.

It didn’t matter now. He couldn’t conceive of trying to organize his sock drawer right now, much less a mass memorial ceremony.

There were still places he could check. If Magnus had portaled in with Clary, surely he wouldn’t have gone far? But maybe he’d been forced to retreat. Maybe he’d been injured but made his way outside before the sword was activated. Alec would check the grounds first, then the underground utility tunnels.

And then? Keep branching out, perhaps. Magnus’s loft? Magnus’s friend Catarina was a healer, wasn’t she? If Magnus were hurt, maybe he’d go there. Hell, Alec would even check the Hotel Dumort, if it came to that.

He waded through the influx of returning shadowhunters into the daylight outside the Institute and turned a helpless circle, too overwhelmed for a moment to decide which direction to go in first.

But then a hand closed on his arm.

For the briefest instant, he thought it was someone coming to tell him they’d found Magnus’s body, but before the idea had an opportunity to cement, he’d already turned to see Magnus standing there.

Not even the blessed touch of the angel Raziel himself could possibly compare with the rapturous relief of that moment. He grabbed Magnus to him with no thought for dignity or decorum and _clung_ to him there on the front steps of the Institute with his subordinates streaming past them.

Then he stepped back, held Magnus at arms’ length just so he could look at him again, see him truly standing there.

“Magnus, I thought--” Alec’s throat locked up, refused to let him form the words.

As always, Magnus was quick with his reassurances. Something about Madzie that Alec was sure would be important later but right now it didn’t seem to matter. The only thing he heard was the word “safe.”

 _Safe_. The word echoed in his head, and with each repetition, Alec’s panic drained away, leaving a relief so profound that it obliterated doubt or discretion.

“Look. Magnus, on every mission I’ve ever been on, I’ve never felt that type of fear,” he confessed. Word vomit. Out of control. _Heedless,_ in a way only Magnus seemed to have power to render him. “ _Ever_. Not knowing if you were alive or dead, I--I was terrified.”

Magnus’s face was tender and intent. Offering comfort and reassurance, yes, but not in a patronizing way. He accepted Alec’s vulnerability like it was something precious to be cradled carefully in both hands, and offered his own in exchange, with all the generosity in his enormous heart.

“So was I.”

This, Alec would later ponder, was Magnus’s true magic. To gently create a space where Alec’s relative inexperience with these emotions didn’t matter, where it was safe to feel all these petrifying new things because he wasn’t alone there with them.

“Magnus, I--” An instant of hesitation, before he stepped off a different sort of ledge, the kind he _hadn’t_ been practicing for. And then he surrendered to gravity’s inexorable grasp and the breathless, heart-stopping plunge. “I love you.”

The emotions on Magnus’s face were too complicated to unpack in the short moment before he joined Alec in the fall. “I love you, too.”

Such simple words. They changed everything.

And they changed absolutely nothing.

This wasn’t a development that had happened in the past few minutes or even in the panic-stricken hours before dawn in which he’d been searching for Magnus. This had been happening for weeks, in small steps. It had been happening in fiercely competitive grins across the pool table at the Hunter’s Moon, and in the unaccustomed feel of Magnus’s hand taking his to pulling him down the streets of Prague. It had been happening in companionable hours of gentle kisses and conversation on Magnus’s balcony and in impassioned gasps and the slide of sweat-slick skin against his own between Magnus’s sheets.

There was only one thing to be done.

Kissing Magnus felt like the jolt of electricity necessary to restart Alec’s heart, and clutching him close again was life support to keep it beating. Alec had never known an embrace could be so absolutely essential to his continued survival.

Aldertree’s words about the impossibility of shadowhunters and downworlders being together echoed in his brain, haunting him as he breathed in the scent of Magnus. But even if Alec wanted to heed them, he couldn’t. He was too far gone. There was nothing to do but ride the fall out and wait to hit the ground.

He didn’t let go until his lungs were functioning properly on their own once more.

“I have to go,” Alec said at last, though stepping away from Magnus felt like trying to hack off his own arm. “I have to check on Jace and Izzy. I have to start organizing the Rite of Mourning. I--”

“I know.” Magnus smiled and laid a soft hand on Alec’s jaw, stilling the spill of words. “I have to go, too. The fight to get myself and Madzie out was draining. I don’t have much magic left, so I won’t be much good to you healing the wounded. I’m going to go stay with Madzie and send Catarina your way. She can also rebuild the wards. Hers are just as good as mine, and it’d be useless to have me do it. Until my book of counterspells is recovered, anyone in possession of it would have a key to the front door. I think Madzie and I will make finding where Valentine stored it our little project for the day.”

Alec huffed. “Guess we know now why Valentine wanted it.”

Magnus nodded, then stopped mid-motion, frowning. “Alec--you may wish to have Catarina incognito when she rebuilds the wards. Or send the other shadowhunters out and turn off your internal surveillance. Fudge the paperwork.”

“What? Why?”

“I could be wrong.” Magnus laid a hand on Alec’s forearm, still looking troubled. “After all, it’s no secret that you and I have been seeing each other. Valentine could have easily guessed at which warlock build the wards.”

“Or he might have had inside information.” Alec groaned softly, catching on. “Any shadowhunters who were here the day after the forsaken attack would know. So would anyone with access to high-level administrative files.”

“Precisely.” Magnus’s hand tightened, then fell away from Alec’s arm. “Be careful, Alexander. Hodge Starkweather might not have been the only sleeper agent the circle has in the Institute.”

* * *

Jace was looking better than he had in those horrified moments after he activated the Soul Sword, but that was surface only. Underneath, Alec could feel the conflict roiling within him, relief at not being part demon, at not being the son of a monster, battling against his devastation at the atrocity he’d unwittingly helped commit. And something else, even more turbulent, was amplifying the rest.

Whatever had happened when Jace had gone to talk to Clary had not helped.

“You think Magnus is right?” Jace asked when Alec had filled him in on Magnus’s warning. He was trying as hard as Alec to set all the rest of their issues aside and focus on the job they had to do.

They were in the office designated for the Head of the Institute. With Aldertree escorting Valentine back to Idris, it was Alec’s for the moment. At least unless and until his mother or Lydia returned from Idris, or the Clave sent someone else to uphold their longstanding tradition of having absolutely no faith in his ability to do the job.

Ostensibly, it should be the one room in the Institute where they could talk freely. Nevertheless, Alec had disabled the cameras and searched for any other surveillance devices before he started working.

Alec crossed the room to switch on the gas in the fireplace, even though he and Jace both knew the chill in the Institute today had nothing to do with the temperature and everything to do with the calamity that had befallen the sacrosanct premises they’d called home for so many years. He braced a shoulder against the mantle. “He could be. I mean, yeah, it wouldn’t be hard for anyone paying attention to guess that Magnus built the wards. Even if I hadn’t made a public display of my interest in him at my wedding, he’s the nearest High Warlock and traditionally we pay for the best for services like that. But it couldn’t hurt to be careful.”

“Careful of what?” Izzy’s interrupted, appearing in the doorway out of nowhere. Her casual lean against the door frame did nothing to disguise the shakiness in her voice.

Alec was in motion before he could think twice. “Iz, you need to be resting,” he scolded gently, escorting her to the chair closest to the fire. There was a deep tremor in her body and the fact that she let herself be coddled said a lot about her state.

Jace made a noise that drew both her and Alec’s attention. He was staring at Izzy, stricken.

“Yin fen, Iz? Really?”

“I didn’t know until it was too late,” she sighed. “And now’s not the time to discuss it. Back on topic. What are we being careful about?”

Her denial of responsibility regarding the yin fen made Alec hesitate to confide in her. Self-serving rationalization, straight out of the addict’s handbook. Until she was well past the detoxing stage, she couldn’t be trusted. If her need grew desperate enough, she’d say anything, do anything, sell out _anyone_ , for another fix. And she’d manage to convince herself she _had_ to do it.

She was Izzy. The brilliant young woman who’d acquired the shadowhunter equivalent of a doctorate before most mundane children were out of high school. The fierce warrior who’d wanted to be an Iron Sister, who could take on four Circle members even when she could barely stand on her own feet.

Izzy. His sister. His confidante. His constant ally and best supporter. The girl who’d only ever wanted his happiness.

And now he couldn’t trust her.

In a sudden surge of fury, Alec swept his arm along the mantle, sending Aldertree’s trinkets and bric-a-brac crashing to the floor.

“Dammit! How did we get here?” He snapped at both of them. “ _Us_. The three of us. We’ve been inseparable for the last decade and now we don’t even know how to talk to each other? How did that happen?”

“I don’t know,” Izzy whispered, her eyes brimming. “Some days it feels like we’re all under a spell like the one at Magnus’s party. Or like I’m still possessed by that demon, and it’s dragging out all the little bits of bitterness and insecurity hidden inside me and amplifying them. I pushed you away. I pushed Clary away. I didn’t trust you, and I didn’t want you to see--”

“Divide and conquer,” Jace said. “Oldest trick in the book.”

Alec looked at him sharply. “You think this--this is what? Deliberate?”

Jace huffed. “How could it not be? I’ve been trying for hours to figure out just what Valentine gained by telling me I was Clary’s brother when I wasn’t, and the only thing I can think of is that it forced us apart, isolated me. Same with telling me I had demon blood. All of a sudden everyone in the Institute was giving me the side-eye. Even my own family. He told me my friends and allies made me weak, but he was lying. I’m stronger _with_ you; that’s why he had to get me away from all of you.”

Alec sat on the footstool before Izzy’s chair, studying Jace with a frown. “Okay, that makes sense where you’re concerned. But Valentine never got anywhere near me or Izzy.”

“Didn’t he?” Jace asked with a bitter smile. “A demon that feeds off deep-seated anger going after the children of Idris’s most demanding perfectionists? A warlock with a spell that manifests our worst insecurities? The hell he didn’t get through to you. Alec, you nearly _died_. For weeks now, everywhere each of us has turned, there’s been someone or something telling us to pull away from each other. And now there’s a chance he might have another sleeper agent in the Institute.”

Okay, so apparently Jace didn’t share Alec’s uncertainty about speaking frankly in front of Izzy.

“Aldertree,” Izzy said quietly but firmly. “If there was ever there was someone trying to tear us apart from the inside, it’s him.”

“Yeah, he _did_ pretty much force me out of the Institute,” Jace conceded with a thoughtful shrug.

Alec hesitated. “Not to play devil’s advocate, because I sure as hell don’t know if I really trust the guy, but one of us has to be objective here and I’m not sure either of you can be where he’s concerned.”

“You think?” Izzy snarled. “You know he gave me the yin fen.”

“He warned you of the risks, Iz. You need to own that.”

“Says who? _Him_?” Her eyes blazed with anger. “Look, I’ve made some damned questionable choices the past few weeks. I’m not trying to dodge my share of the blame for what happened. But if he told you he warned me, he’s lying. He didn’t tell me what yin fen really was, he only said that it would help me heal from the infected wound. And he didn’t tell me it was addictive. All he said was ‘a little goes a long way’ and he said _that_ after I was already high on the first dose, which he applied himself.” She scowled at Alec. “Would you call that an adequate warning, given the potential danger?”

Jace started nodding slowly as she spoke. “She raises a good point,” he said, catching Alec’s eye.

”He’s been trying all along to ingratiate himself with me, praising me for minor things that were no big deal, even asking me out on a date,” Izzy added, sinking back in her chair again. She pulled her legs up so that she was curled in a ball, and she seemed impossibly small and drained. How much blood had Raphael been taking? “And whatever he claims, he knew _exactly_ what was happening with the yin fen. He banked on it. He hinted at withholding a refill to blackmail me into spying on Clary.”

Alec hunched forward, bracing his elbows on his knees and leaning his forehead on his clasped hands as he tried to slot the pieces of what they were telling him together with the confession Aldertree had made to him on the roof.

“The roof.” His eyes flew open and he looked back and forth between them. “He made a big production about hacking the power core remotely, said he had the access to shut it down, but once we were up there, nothing he did worked.”

“Delaying tactic,” Jace said. “He kept you occupied and out of the way long enough for Valentine to power the sword.”

“Why not just kill me?” Alec shook his head, dismissing his own question as soon as he asked it. “No. Too big a risk of exposing himself if he failed. Besides, he wanted to get into my head.”

“How?” Izzy asked, her voice dropping dangerously.

It felt like peeling off his own skin and exposing his insides, telling them the tale Aldertree had related and how it had resonated with him. Planting the seed that a shadowhunter and a downworlder couldn’t be together.

“That’s a damned convenient anecdote to have on hand for you specifically,” Jace pointed out. “It was personal enough to distract you, keep you from noticing that he was stalling. And he knew exactly the right thing to say to make you doubt our most powerful downworld ally. Someone who’s already gotten in Valentine’s way at least once.”

Izzy leaned forward, gripping Alec’s arm. “Even if he was telling the truth--and you know he wasn’t--what he said has _nothing_ to do with you and Magnus. Alec, you _can’t believe him_.”

Alec’s jaw clenched, and he surged to his feet. “No, I can’t. But right now we have bigger problems. Because Aldertree is escorting Valentine to Idris.”

“No one there is going to take our word for it,” Jace said. “Not against the Clave’s golden boy.”

Alec nodded, reaching for his phone. “I’ll start with Mom. And Lydia. Neither of their reputations are sterling anymore, thanks to me--”

“-- _Us_ ,” Izzy and Jace corrected in unison.

“--but maybe they can begin working on the Clave.” He wiped his palms on his thighs and pulled his shoulders straight. “But first things first. Izzy, you’re confined to your room or the infirmary while you detox. Go now. Don’t make me make it an order.”

She winced but didn’t argue. “I’ll go. I just might need some help getting there. It’s getting worse by the hour.”

“I’ll take you,” Jace said softly. “But seriously, Iz. Yin fen?”

She gave him a narrow look. “If we’re going to question each other’s poor life choices recently, I hear someone’s been cutting a wide swath through the Seelie maidens.”

“Not even _close_ to the same thing,” Jace shot back, jabbing two fingers in Alec’s direction. “And you can blame _him_ for that, anyway.”

“Wait, _what_?” Alec spluttered, his eyes darting back and forth between them. “How did I get dragged into this?”

Jace scoffed. “If I hadn’t been getting laid, your sexual frustration would have driven us both crazy. Thank you for _finally_ dealing with that and giving me a break, by the way.”

Alec glowered and tried to pretend his face hadn’t just become a second source of blazing heat in the room. Come to think of it, Jace _had_ stopped running around like he was trying to screw every girl in the downworld since Alec and Magnus had started sleeping together. Damn it.

“We’re getting off track,” he gritted.

“True,” Izzy agreed. 

“Jace, help Isabelle to the infirmary, then I need you back here. Iz, I’ll come check on you later.”

The way she shook as he helped pull her to her feet made his chest tight with fear, but he kissed her clammy, pallid cheek and turned her over to Jace.

Then he paced his office and tried to organize his thoughts until Jace returned.

“Izzy preferred to go to her room,” Jace announced when he got back. “I’ve got one of the convalescing trainees stationed in the hallway outside. As far as he’s concerned, she’s just sick and injured; no need for him to know what’s actually going on.”

Alec licked his lips and nodded briskly. “Thanks. So, I take it telling Clary didn’t go well?” he asked grimacing at his own customary lack of tact.

Jace shook his head. “Change of plan. I’ll tell her later. We have other things to deal with right now.”

“Yeah, we do.” Alec folded his arms over his chest, one hip on the edge of the desk. “Like you grabbing the Soul Sword thinking it would kill you.”

Jace’s face went blank and he mirrored Alec’s closed-off posture. “Better that than letting it become a weapon of mass destruction. Not that it did much good.”

“As horrific as the outcome was, what I’m getting at here is that this isn’t the first time you’ve actively courted death since everything with Valentine began.” Jace’s eyes slid away from his, but Alec chased them, stepping sideways into his field of vision again. “In fact at this point I’m pretty sure I’ve lost count of the number of times you’ve willingly--you might even say, _eagerly_ \--tried to fall on your blade.”

“This coming from the guy who almost took a dive off Magnus’s balcony?” Jace’s eyebrows shot up and he gave Alec his best sneer.

“Yeah, about that.” Alec cleared his throat. “I’ve been trying to figure out what happened that night. I mean, sure, I feel like complete hell over what happened to Jocelyn, but not bad enough that a few harsh words from Clary were going to push me off a ledge. But there you were in the other room at that exact moment, convinced the only mother you’ve ever known was telling you she wished you were dead.” He spread his hands in a shrug. “Call me crazy, but I’m not sure that’s a coincidence.”

“Oh, God,” Jace muttered, his mask of derision falling away.

“And the thing is, I’ve spent a lot of time lately running away to high places. Activating my surefooted rune and jumping. Courting death, just like you. I’ve lost count of the number of times that’s happened, and I’m not sure that’s a coincidence, either.”

Jace hunched forward, his arms tucked in against his chest, his hands in his armpits, his head bowed. “Alec--I didn’t know. I would never--”

“ _I know_.” Alec stepped in close to him, until Jace was forced to look up and meet his eyes. “And if I’m being fair, maybe some of it _is_ coming from me. But my point is, we’ve got to find a way to deal with this, both of us, together. Especially after what happened today. Don’t think I didn’t clock the look on your face when you told me you were the one who’d activated the sword.”

Jace’s eyelids started growing red at the edges, tears flashing but not falling. “All those people--Alec--I don’t know if I can--”

“It wasn’t you.”

“The hell it wasn’t!” Jace planted his hands on Alec’s chest, trying to shove him away, but Alec braced against it, refusing to budge. “Valentine played me like a fiddle. I swooped in there thinking I’d save the day and I _killed_ them. How many were there? Have we even gotten a body count yet?”

“ _Valentine_ killed them.”

“I made it possible.”

“True,” Alec nodded. “But he put your hand on that sword as surely as his demon put _mine_ through Jocelyn’s chest.”

“You didn’t choose to kill Jocelyn. But I _chose_ to try to destroy the Soul Sword,” Jace protested, still pushing half-heartedly.

“Really? That suggests you thought you had other options. What were they?” Alec grabbed Jace’s shoulders, giving him a gentle shake. “You believed what he wanted you to believe, and you tried to do the right thing. It’s not your fault he lied.”

“It’s not your fault Jocelyn’s dead either. You telling me you don’t still blame yourself?” Jace shot back.

Alec shook his head. “Not as much as I did. You can thank Clary for that, really. Even just seconds after seeing me kill her mother on the surveillance video, she knew exactly where to put the blame.” He ducked his head. “She’s a lot better about that than I’ve been where she’s concerned. I’m trying to take notes.”

“You think it’s that easy?” Jace asked bleakly.

“Hell no. It’s not easy at all. But we have to do it. Because whether it’s your death wish or mine or a combination of the two, it’s going to kill us both if we don’t work it out.” He sucked in a shaky breath, something wonderful fluttering hard in his chest as he remembered those moments on the steps with Magnus. “And I _really_ don’t want to die right now, parabatai.”

Jace _almost_ smiled, just a little, some of the despair in his eyes lightening. “I know. I’m happy for you.”

“I am, too,” he murmured as Jace pulled him into a brusque hug.

Alec let himself smile and feel his own joy for a moment. It seemed misplaced today, when so many bodies still lay on the floors outside this office, so he tucked that spark of happiness back inside, nurturing it for a more appropriate time, stepping back from Jace.

“Ready to get to work? he asked.

“Yeah.” Jace nodded once, firmly. “The downworlders aren’t going to want to see my face when they come to collect their fallen, so where do you want me?”

“Get a head count of whichever able-bodied shadowhunters we have left and start organizing patrols,” Alec instructed, crossing the room to sit behind the desk. “Leave interfacing with the downworld to me for now.”

“You got it.” Jace spun on his heel, striding toward the door, only to turn back at the threshold and speak over his shoulder. “You’re really great at this job, Alec. The Clave needs to make this permanent.”

* * *

It was another thirty-six hours before things were settled enough that Alec finally was able to retreat to his room and try to rest. By then he’d been awake for nearly three days and he was getting seriously diminished returns from activating his stamina rune.

He pulled out his phone to text Magnus to check in and apologize for not having the energy to come over, only to stumble across the man himself before he had a chance to hit ‘send.’

“What are you doing here?” he asked, though he’d made certain that Magnus was on the list of downworlders approved for entry into the Institute. If the Clave had a problem with that even after the sacrifice New York’s downworlders had made trying to stop Valentine, he’d deal with them later.

Magnus spoke over his shoulder, running his glowing hand along something on the wall that Alec couldn’t see. “Inspecting the wards. Though I might not have cast them, I’ll feel better having double-checked them. Not that I doubt Catarina’s skill, of course, it’s just-- _Oh_ , this is new. Very nice. I’ve never seen it done that way before. She’s refined her technique. I’ll have to get her to show me that spell.”

Somewhere in the middle of Magnus’s chatter, Alec’s eyes began to drift closed and he swayed on his feet. Magnus caught his shoulder and Alec’s eyes popped open. “Sorry. I just--”

“I know.” Magnus smiled gently. “I was going to ask if you wanted to grab a late dinner but clearly the only place you’re heading is bed.”

“Pretty much. How’s Madzie?” he asked as Magnus fell into step with him, subtly shoring him up and keeping him from walking into walls.

Magnus grew quiet. “She’s sad and afraid and not sure who to trust right now. After the way Valentine manipulated her, I was determined to be completely honest with her, no matter what. But that meant I had to tell her the truth about where Iris was, which entailed explaining to her that Iris had hurt people and was going to be punished.”

Alec hissed between his teeth. “Which got her wondering if _she_ was going to be punished for what Valentine made her do.”

“Exactly.” Magnus sighed, his shoulders drooping. “She’s been alternating between bouts of hysterical panic and being so withdrawn she’s almost unresponsive. I’ve spent a lot of time the past couple days trying to reassure her that there’s a difference between adults who make their own choices and children who have been tricked into doing things they wouldn’t normally choose to do, but it’s going to be months, maybe even years, until she feels truly secure again, I think.”

“Damn,” Alec muttered. “She’s such a sweet little thing. She didn’t do anything to deserve any of this.” He rubbed his eyes, stifling a yawn. “You think she’ll be okay with Catarina?”

Magnus nodded. “I do. Catarina has raised orphans before; she’s good with children, including traumatized ones. I’m going to make a point of spending time with her as well. Iris’s corner of the downworld was home to a particularly fringe element, and thus not a very stable or healthy place for a child. Catarina and I will be a much better influence.”

“I’d like to see her again, too.” Alec smiled softly. “Thank her for saving my life, at the very least, and maybe show her that shadowhunters aren’t all like Valentine.” His jaw tried to unhinge itself on another yawn. “Not tonight, though. Obviously.”

“Obviously,” Magnus agreed with a wry smile, opening the door of Alec’s room for him.

“I would have called and asked to come over, but I don’t want to be too far from Izzy right now,” Alec explained, peeling his shirt over his head and dropping it without any thought for tidiness.

“Yes, I checked in on her earlier.” Magnus kept his voice a low murmur, thankfully not pointing out just how terrifying badly Izzy looked. “How long has she been semi-conscious and delirious?”

“She started to get bad around this time yesterday.” The brush of Magnus’s hand on his arm told Alec that Magnus heard what he wasn’t saying. Seeing Izzy in that state killed him every time he looked in on her. Even the horror of personally overseeing the return of dozens of downworlder bodies--with as much ceremony and respect as he could organize on short notice--to their clans, packs, and kin, had nothing on it. “Jace and Clary have been doing most of the heavy lifting there because I’ve got to run the Institute, and Izzy didn’t want any other shadowhunters getting involved. If the medics gossip--”

“--It will be devastating to her reputation, yes.” Magnus nodded sympathetically. “ I know it looks awful, Alexander, but she will improve, I promise. I did what I could to help her be a little more comfortable, and I’ll check back in on her before I leave tonight.”

“Yeah? Who says you’re leaving tonight?” Under other circumstances, Alec might have tried for a jaunty leer, but at the moment he was lucky to pull off a somnambulant slur.

“You want me to stay? Here at the Institute?”

Alec shrugged, rubbing his neck. “I sort of have an in with the guy who’s temporarily in charge, and he’s putting a moratorium on the Clave’s ban on downworlders in the Institute.”

Magnus’s head tipped slightly to the side, accompanied by a tiny smile that Alec was coming to understand meant Alec had done something to surprise him. “Well, I suppose I have no urgent business requiring me to be elsewhere, if that’s what you’d prefer.”

“Please,” Alec whispered with as much depth of feeling as he could muster the energy for. He settled his hands on Magnus’s waist and pulled him close, leaning his brow against Magnus’s. He was so tired he could have dozed off just standing there; sex certainly wasn’t on the menu tonight, but after those horrible, horrible hours of uncertainty, he needed that contact, needed to hear Magnus’s breath and have him within touching distance. “ _Please_. I have to grab a shower, but I’d really love it if you’d be here when I get back?”

“Then here’s where I’ll be,” Magnus vowed, pushing up on his toes to brush a soft kiss across Alec’s mouth before stepping away. “For as long as you want me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me at [maleccrazedauthor.tumblr.com](http://maleccrazedauthor.tumblr.com).


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